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"Are children not a beautiful thing?" - "Yes, children are not a beautiful thing!"
Puns like this are part of our company culture; they are part of everyday life at pentacor. The fun at work and the shared laughter bring us closer together as a team, making tackling our tasks a little easier. But these wordplays often contain the famous "grain of truth." In this specific example, it reflects the fact that many of my colleagues are parents. I myself am a proud father of two boys. The mothers and fathers among us know the challenges that come with parenting and how we often have to deal with them.
What can help us overcome these challenges? What influence does the work environment have on this? How do others deal with their challenges? Can I learn something from my colleagues?
The answers to these questions are often not immediately clear. It's typically a learning process to find the right approach, sometimes even a very arduous one. Do you know this feeling too?
How it all began
When the "PsychoSocialCoffeeCircle" – or "Psycho-Kaffee" for short – was introduced just over a year ago, my gut instinct was clear: Another meeting? We already have so many meetings, and I don't have the time.
This initial gut feeling overshadowed my more rational perspective on the purpose and motivation behind this new format. This voluntary meeting was meant to provide a space to share personal experiences from both private and professional life and discuss them together. It also included methods and approaches that could help make everyday life easier. The key point was that participants wouldn’t speak on a hypothetical level but would actually share with others what has brought value to their own (work) life.
Based on my initial impression, I "skipped" the first two or three sessions. And yes, with a seemingly high workload, I had a good excuse for myself. But then I asked myself: Could this actually be something for me? The next announced topic actually sounds pretty interesting...
So, when I finally joined the "Psycho-Kaffee" for the first time, the focus was on the method "The Work" by Byron Katie. Chrizzy invited the participants to go through this process together with her, using a concrete example from our own personal lives. She guided us through each step with her example. For me, it was an interesting experience. So interesting, in fact, that I realized: This could be valuable for me. I want to stay!
What touched me
Handling Conflicts
What really grabbed me was when Katja introduced the topic of the "Drama Triangle." This refers to a relationship dynamic between at least two people, where the participants take on one of the roles of "Victim," "Persecutor," or "Rescuer," and these roles can shift dynamically. This pattern often underlies conflict situations. Understanding that these roles exist and how they typically behave makes it easier to comprehend specific situations and can help in dealing with conflicts. Katja supported the theory with real-life examples from both her personal and professional experiences, and I began to recognize it more and more: "Hey, this feels awfully familiar." I've experienced similar situations many times before. And I, too, have often found myself in one of these three roles, experiencing how quickly I could suddenly end up in another one.
I realized that I can map many of the conflict situations I experienced in my past onto a familiar pattern. Katja's topic stayed with me so much afterward that I used the newfound knowledge to reflect on and reassess my own behavior.
Self- and Time Management
I found the suggestions on how to manage various commitments, appointments, hobbies, desires, and other aspects of both professional and personal life very interesting. Chrizzy and Andreas provided great insights into how they tackle this challenge.
How does Chrizzy keep track of her tasks? With a combination of excellent organization, prioritization, balancing work and personal life, supported by various tools, and not least, a lot of discipline. I was really impressed, especially because I know how difficult it can be to consistently implement what you've planned over a long period.
And how does Andreas organize his tasks to avoid feeling overwhelmed? He too has found a well-structured approach. He uses similar strategies as Chrizzy and also employs helpful tools. However, we were able to take away new ideas in the process. One of Andreas's adjustments is to consciously choose to drop certain things when necessary.
How do you handle this challenge? Have you found a good way for yourself?
What I could contribute
Handling Conflicts
We all have interpersonal experiences that could not be more personal. In my case, a series of individual conflicts over time turned into a very complex and overwhelming situation. In the end, the certainty was clear: this cannot continue! Despite many efforts to understand the causes of these conflicts, to empathize with the other party, to recognize my own part in the conflict, and to continually search for and implement solutions, I was faced with many setbacks. However, I learned a lot during this process, especially about myself.
Katja's contribution on the "Drama Triangle" triggered in me the desire to share my own experiences in dealing with conflicts. Giving insight into this very private part of my life took a lot of courage. I had a hard time imagining sharing such personal information. However, the respectful and trusting environment among interested colleagues encouraged me to open up and step out of my comfort zone. It felt good.
Self- and Time Management
From the above-mentioned contributions to self-organization, I was able to take away some very valuable insights. However, from my current perspective, influenced by my wife and children, I feel that applying a similar approach would be difficult for me. The aspect of “self-management” takes a clear backseat, especially in my private life. How much control do I still have over my time? How freely can I decide on it? How much time is truly available to me? How reliably can I plan? Do my children, in particular, act as unpredictable factors? The insights I gained regarding these questions motivated me to speak up and share my alternative perspective with others.
One of my most important takeaways is that in the context of my family, I must coordinate organizational matters to avoid potential conflicts due to a lack of mutual understanding. And I certainly want to avoid that. However, I must also account for the necessary time to make these adjustments and “clear space” for them. With each new family member, the need for coordination has grown. In my family, we’ve had good experiences with routines and structured processes. Repetitive, routine activities no longer need to be questioned every time. The often exhausting coordination effort is minimized, giving us more freedom for other things.
What we can gain
As far as I’m concerned, I can only say: Talking helps, and it feels good. I can share my experiences, as well as my worries and concerns, with others, and I receive valuable feedback in return. On the other hand, I gain insight into the experiences and approaches of my colleagues, and I can derive useful ideas for myself.
Regarding our pentacor team, the mutual exchange is, for me, primarily about one thing: Living our values, the values of pentacor. Open and respectful communication helps us get to know and understand each other better. It primarily builds trust and ultimately strengthens the cohesion of our team.
How we continue to live it
One of our principles at pentacor is, in essence: “Nothing is set in stone.” This means that we, as a team, consciously and actively respond to changes and adapt our approach and processes to fit the situation at hand. The same applies to our “Psycho-Coffee.” Initially, we started with prepared contributions from individuals followed by discussion, but we have now switched to more spontaneity. We take up current topics to discuss, or someone brings up something that’s on their mind. Maybe soon, we’ll talk about a topic involving children. And then someone might ask the question: “Are children not beautiful?” For me, the answer can only be: Yes, my children are something very beautiful to me! Sharing experiences and open communication with my colleagues help me better manage the challenges of being a dad.
